Jokes: Bartender Jokes

THE 10 BEST BARTENDER JOKES

You’ve probably heard a bartender tell a joke or two over the years… We all know bartenders should have a few good ones locked and loaded. Here are the 10 best:

A woman holding a duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” The woman responds, “It’s not a pig, it’s a duck.” The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. “What, do you expect me to spread my legs now?” says the wife. The husband responds, “Honey, I love you, but I think a vase will work just fine.”
Q: What did the sign on the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it, we’re closed.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra..
Q: How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
A: Poke-her-face.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
A woman walks in the bar and asks for double entendre. So he gives it to her.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducked.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel attached to his pants. The bartender asks him, “What’s with the wheel?” The pirate responds, “Arrrggh, it’s driving me nuts.”
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”